This is tough. A really tough one to write without sounding trite. But here we are, on a possible brink of a financial crisis and I know deep inside, all of this was orchestrated by God. He is the One that gives and the One that takes away, yet a prophetic word came through a friend, confirming what I already knew in my heart to be true, that I must be thankful.
And what does that mean right now? For me, it means that I can’t just thank Him for the good things that happened in the car accident, but I have to thank Him for the car accident, for this hit-and-run. I have to thank Him that it even happened, because if I do that, that truly shows Him that I trust Him with my whole heart, our fiscal future and then everything else that I needed to trust Him with.
The day before the car wreck God told me that I wasn’t trusting Him with my whole heart. I thought I was. I mean, I really did. We have been on pretty shaky ground lately and I thought we were trusting. Then the next day He took our only car that I thought I bought full coverage on.
But I was wrong.
It’s not fun to admit that I was wrong. It’s not a very good feeling to have found out I believed a lie, but I did. I trusted more in the circumstances that He set up rather than He Himself. I trusted more in the opportunities that He was bringing rather than in His heart.
“How long will you go here and there,
O faithless daughter? Jeremiah 31:22
Yup, that’s my verse, my conviction, my black mark.
Faithless, when I thought I had faith. Going here and there, when I wasn’t being still and really knowing in the depths of my soul that He is a God for me. Not trusting in what He has said so many times before.
So, here I am, truly grateful for the the car accident and not just the good, but the bad. Grateful for His refining fire, and I do mean fire. It hurts. But it’s worth it. Worth it to know that He loves me enough to discipline me because He cares about my actions and not being a fool, like a parent would correct a child’s foolish behavior.
But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it’s in the dark places of choosing gratefulness, gratefulness of even a disaster, that generates that strong faith that will be able to move the mountains we so desperately need moved.